I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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