That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
