i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
