Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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