Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
