My entire life is one complicated drinking game
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
