Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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