Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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