just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
