Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
