Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
