He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
