I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
