Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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