why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
