Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
