When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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