He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
