I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
