Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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