I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
