Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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