Don't you send me to vm
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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