dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
