i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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