im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
