That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
