A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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