woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm too high and old for this...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
