are you so shy because you have an std?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
