I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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