ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
