Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
