he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
