Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
