if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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