I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
