Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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