Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
