Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
