using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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