id be glad to
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
