I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's shark week go big or go home
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
