okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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