omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
