Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
