Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
