Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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