dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
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I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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