people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Couch. On fire.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
