I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
