Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
