she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
