Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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