is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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