The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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