You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
