I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
