her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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