Someone shit on the floor
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
