my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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