I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
